In today’s column I will be discussing people’s sleeping habits - as in; who with - how long for and whether you would recommend it or not. What has brought on this sudden interest in people’s sleeping arrangements is the fact that our Australian sister/brother in-laws who are visiting us at the moment, never ever sleep together other than in dire emergencies or when staying in expensive hotels.
Before you jump to conclusions regarding their relationship, I have to say that they are a loving couple who just don’t like sleeping in the same bed. Unhappily, it seems that Julie has taken a lead from her slightly older sister and has taken it upon herself, over the last couple of nights, to abandon me to my own devices... sleep-wise. As a rather old fashioned soul I’m not sure if I approve of this or not, but it’s happening anyway it seems. What appears to be the reason behind all this is the fact that we rarely go to bed at the same time - and as I’m the one who will sit for hours watching the television late into the night downstairs, whilst she is happy to put the telly on in the bedroom to watch cookery competitions and suchlike, when I get into bed alongside her, she claims that she can’t get back to sleep - and what’s more it appears that I snore - a lot! Hard as that might be to imagine, it appears to be true, as she recorded me the other night and I have to say that I was making one heck of a racket.
This got me into thinking about sleeping arrangements generally and do they change over time what with arguments over pillow positioning, the amount of covers you might need for a good nights kip - and the dreaded elbow in the ribs or the single bum cheek clinging on for dear life on the side of the bed, all of which reinforces my point I believe regarding single occupancy of the marital (or otherwise) bed. Then we have the business of what we do in bed if we are not sleeping. On a personal level, I like to read a good book and on occasions I will have about three on-the-go at the same time. Moreover, the person I sleep with will often wake up before dawn and scroll-through any social media posts she might have received overnight. Furthermore, with the invention (If that’s the right word?) of streaming services you can receive via a laptop - a slumbering chap can be rudely awakened at 0347hrs by the sound of last years final of Masterchef or some heavy-duty hysterics being relayed through my lug-holes via Netflix. I really don’t know what the answer is to all this is, but I bet a number of you reading this might just be nodding in agreement with the notion of - ‘A single bed sleep, is the best possible sleep.’ Anyway, like it or not, Julie and I are facing an upcoming crisis in the bed department, this is because when we finish our present Devon/Cornwall holiday fortnight with our visiting Aussie relatives, they will be staying with us at home for their last three nights - and as we have yet to tell them that we only have two bedrooms at our recently acquired gaff. Someone will be sleeping on a sofa I reckon, and it isn’t going to be me!