A fter a week when I tried a new dish in my favourite Santa Catalina curry house – it’s called Chicken Tarka, like a Chicken Tikka, just a little otter! – Real Mallorca make the trip to Asturias where they’ll play La Liga’s bottom side Oviedo tonight, Friday December 5 at 9pm. The fact that Oviedo are La Liga’s basement side with only one home win all season shouldn’t make any difference to the outcome. Mallorca are so unpredictable at the moment, it’s anybody’s guess as to the result. As we reach match day 15, the islanders lie in 15th place, just one point above the relegation zone.
Our current numbers are remarkably similar to those of the last two relegations. In the 2012/13 season we had one more point at this stage, with four wins, two draws and eight defeats. We couldn’t turn our bad run around and were relegated. More recently in 2019/20, when Vicente Moreno was manager, in the first week in December we had the same number of points (13) with similar stats as now, three wins, four draws and seven losses, with a better goal difference, but went down again.
Mallorca now have to focus on picking up as many of the nine points remaining before the end of the year. In theory we have a comparatively easy schedule against two newly promoted sides, Oviedo tonight and Elche (in Palma next Saturday 13th at 16:15), then the final away game of the year at a struggling Valencia again on a Friday (19th) at 9pm.
There’s only one place in Spanish football where the fan base isn’t at ease ten minutes from the end of a match with their team winning 2-0 – Son Moix! Last Saturday two goals from Muriqi in five minutes, finishing two great pieces of play by Virgili, a penalty and a through ball gave Mallorca three vital points – or so we thought! Mallorca then got up to their usual tricks.
We stopped trying to play the way that put us ahead in the first place, and defended deeper, inviting more pressure from our opponents. The best way to keep a lead is to continue to dominate play and try and score another goal that would have definitely won us all three points. What shouldn’t happen is what took place near the end last Saturday in the 81st minute. Coach Arrasate decided to withdraw Virgili, our most decisive player, and Sergi Darder, who was beginning to impose his authority in midfield.
One minute later Osasuna smelled blood and scored from a badly defended free kick. They then went for the jugular of a trembling Real Mallorca and scored another. The worst part of the 2-2 draw was that fans could see it coming. Osasuna (with the worst away record in La Liga) pushed forward en masse as we camped out in our half. We threw away two points by conceding two goals in the last 10 minutes. The coach said after the game he took Virgili off because he was tired! Osasuna were suddenly relieved of having to mark our “Jack in the Box.”
Mallorca’s substitutes are simply not good enough for La Liga football. Virgili has no replacement and our bench has nothing to offer. It’s clear Mallorca are not competing at the expected level and coach Arrasate must shoulder a lot of the blame. The Palma side’s struggles on the pitch weren’t part of the game plan for this season, not helped by a poor Summer transfer window which is now taking its toll.
Last week I wrote about our diminishing crowds on match day. Against Osasuna it was a dismal 15,457. It doesn’t matter the day, the time, whether it’s raining or 38° in the shade. Something’s not right when the club bang on about having more than 23,000 socios and there are about 10,000 empty seats on match day.
True, some people have to work on a Saturday afternoon, but that’s not the reason. What’s the point in paying for a season ticket in August and then decide not to drive to Son Moix, even when Real Mallorca need all their fans to make the effort to turn up? There’s nothing worse than watching the highlights on TV and seeing a swathe of empty red seats.
AND FINALLY, the day I built a snowman. 8am, I made a snowman. 8:10, a feminist passed and asked why I didn’t make a snow woman. 8:15, so I made a snow woman. 8:17, my feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest, saying it objectified snow women everywhere. 8:22, a transgender man/woman/person asked why I didn’t just make a snow person with detachable parts.
8:25, the vegans at the end of the street complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food not to decorate snow figures with. 8:28, I was called a racist because the snow couple are white. 8:31, the middle-aged Eastern gent across the street demanded the snow woman be covered up.
8:40, the police arrived saying someone had been offended. 8:42, the feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role. 8:43, the council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction. 8:45, TV news crews arrived and asked me if I knew the difference between snowmen and snow women. I replied “snowballs” and am now called a sexist.
9:00, I was on the news as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe, sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult times. 9:10, after being asked if I had any accomplices, my kids were taken by Social Services. 9:29, far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested. By noon it had all melted. Moral: There is no moral to this story. It all happened because of snowflakes!