After a week where I read that if their husbands weren’t super-rich footballers, instead of blowing millions on legal costs, Rebekah Vardy and Coleen Rooney would have settled their differences with a scrap outside a chippy – which would end when a stiletto was broken and one of them had a fistful of hair extensions! – Real Mallorca reach the second international break lying in seventh place with 14 points, with a quarter of season 24/25 nearly over. Despite their 2-1 away defeat at Espanyol last Saturday, most of the teams round about us dropped points. We’re enjoying a margin of eight points over the relegation section of La Liga EA Sports which has Valencia third bottom on six.
We have two home games on the bounce soon, the first is against Rayo Vallecano on Sunday October 20 at 2pm. That’s followed by Athletic Club (or Athletic Bilbao as they used to be called) on Monday 28 at 9pm. Atletico Madrid are here on Sunday November 10 at 4.15pm. The game against Barcelona that was scheduled for January 11 or 12 has been brought forward to Wednesday December 4, kick off time to be decided. The reason for the change is that the original dates clash with the Spanish Super Cup which takes place in Saudi Arabia. In that competition Real Mallorca play Real Madrid on January 8 and the winner of that game faces either Barcelona or Bilbao in the final on the 12th.
As usual, several Mallorca players are away on international duty. Samu Costa was called up for the first time by Portugal. Players like Omar Mascarell, Vedat Muriqi and Takuma Asano have stayed behind in Palma due to injury but all three will be ready to face Rayo on the 20th.
The story of The Plumber
In October 2008, RCD Mallorca were in a bad place, struggling to stay afloat in the nether regions of La Liga. The club had entered into the dreaded administration and owner/president Vicente Grande (head of local construction company Drac) was about to put the “Se vende” signs up at Son Moix. White hankies of disapproval were regularly being waved at home games as diehard Mallorquinistas vented their frustrations on the under-fire directors.
Out of the blue came a so-called self-made English millionaire, London-born/Cheshire-based Paul “The Plumber” Davidson. According to rumours, he owned several luxury cars and had more property than “A Place In The Sun”! He had made millions (then lost most of it) and was on his way to another million through his plumbing inventions including something called a corrector pipe that allowed radiators to be swivelled forward without being disconnected, enabling walls to be easily papered or tiled. Davidson and a mystery backer were prepared to pay around 38 million euros for the club with former Everton CEO Keith Wyness running the football business. Suddenly there was a real buzz around the club despite the fact that Davidson knew nothing about football except that his local team Macclesfield Town wore blue shirts!
Davidson was a real Walter Mitty character (one for the teenagers!) and promised heaven and earth. He proposed to sign English players who had been unable to break into their respective sides back home. These players in turn would be used to market his inventions like shower heads, a self-refrigerating ring-pull can and, believe it or not, a pen that could write upside down! The more news was filtering through about “Dodgy Davidson,” the more the likelihood of him being the new owner was diminishing. He had taken on the Financial Services Authority in the UK which had tried and failed to fine him heavily for stock market abuse, becoming the first person the FSA had been forced to pay legal costs to when losing a case. After a few nervous weeks, Grande said he and “El Fontanero” had reached a verbal agreement and the deal was near completion – or was it?! Many fans – me included – had the feeling that all this was too good to be true.
I was invited to a sports lunch at the Son Vida Hotel and the guest speaker was snooker icon Denis Taylor. He, like Davidson, owned property in Marbella. When the name Davidson came up in conversation, Taylor said “So that scallywag’s over here now!” Also there were two guys from Barclays bank in the Avenidas who were supposed to be brokering the deal but had never heard of Davidson. With Grande getting more twitchy by the week and threatening to sue Davidson if he dropped out, local media were told to get down to Barclays Bank as something big was about to happen. We waited and waited more than two hours, nothing happened. Davidson had vanished and the deal was dead. The plumber was flushed out weeks later – in Cuba! One local commentator described the whole charade as “one of the most ridiculous farces in the club’s history.”
And finally
One of Davidson’s many stories. He was in his local in Prestbury when a guy with a plummy accent said to him “I say, are you the so-called plumber?” Davidson confirmed he was, so the guy continued “I’ve got a leaky radiator that needs fixing. Be at my house at 10 tomorrow, not five to or five past – 10 o’clock on the nail. I’ll pay you 200 quid, but if you spill oil on my driveway, I’ll deduct the money from your bill.” The next day, Davidson turned up in his chauffeur-driven Bentley. His chauffeur got out and handed Davidson his overalls and white gloves. He went in, did the job in 20 minutes, took off the overalls and got back in his Bentley. Just then the plummy guy piped up “I say, how can you, a plumber, afford a Bentley?” Quick as a flash, Davidson replied “Because, mate, every minute a pr**k like you gives me 200 quid for 20 minutes work!!”