The joys of summer. For many years I was rather thin....in fact perhaps too much so. But over the years my waistline has gradually increased! After being dubbed “the rake” for much of my teens and 20s it was rather nice to put on some weight.
But things have got slightly out of hand and for the first time in my life I decided to go on a diet....who would have thought it thirty years ago that I would have to start dieting. After seeing a dietary expert I was given my menu; no potatoes, little pasta, no bread and no cheese.
Basically all the things I love! I started off very well. The usual places that I have lunch near our offices were informed that under no circumstances should I be served bread or chips. This was the new me. It was all going very well and I was rather proud of myself. But then I went on holiday. My daughter loves the Hotel Son Caliu, it is her second favourite place after Son Amar.
So we booked into her favourite hotel on half board. Big mistake. The food is excellent. As I walked around the extensive dinner buffet I find myself saying “Jason, don´t forget you are on a diet.” We have been to the Son Caliu many times before and the staff all know my daughter. She was piling the food on to her plate and it all looked delicious. I grabbed a few pieces of sushi and returned to our table; my daughter was hardly visible thanks to the Mount Everest of food she had on her plate.
I stuck with my sushi. She then asked me if I would go to the buffet and get her some fish....the words fish and my daughter don´t always go together so off I dashed. One of the chefs was frying the meat and fish on the spot and she recognised me. I ordered a fish fillet for my daughter and then she asked whether I would like some of the fantastic lamb chops. In fact, she wasn´t taking no for an answer and placed eight freshly cooked chops on my plate and instructed me to have them with aioli sauce and bread.
I thought to myself that a few chops wouldn´t hurt my waistline, so I decided to give myself a special treat.
My daughter by this stage had scaled Everest and was singing the praises of the fish. She, like the chef, instructed me to try it. So I returned to the buffet but before I could open my mouth the chef inquired whether I wanted some fillet steak which she was cooking. I got that look again....I am not asking you and before I could say “I am on a diet” a giant steak was placed on my plate.
“There are some great chips over there,” said chef. She pointed and waited until I had a giant portion on my plate. “Enjoy,” she said with a smile. So I returned to my table and my daughter asked where was the fish? “You must try it. You are always telling me to eat more fish so now eat-up and get some fish,” she said while munching through her ice cream and watching Peppa Pig. And that is what I felt like, a complete pig.
Steak and chips eaten I headed back to the buffet ordered my fish and was instructed by the dear chef to have it with boiled potatoes. Which I did. The food was fabulous and it was a beautiful evening. I ended my little banquet with some cheese and biscuits. My diet had literally gone out the window.
But chef was pleased. “You look as if you have enjoyed your dinner,” she said with a smile. It was a fantastic meal. Sushi, lamb chops, steak and then fish and then bread and cheese. My daughter also found the whole episode rather amusing.
In fact, she even gave up Peppa Pig for a few seconds to have a good laugh at my expensive. “This is wonderful daddy, my favourite hotel, lovely view, Peppa Pig and Daddy Pig who was on a diet,” she laughed. “Just wait for breakfast tomorrow,” she grinned!